Below is some fantastic work from one @lwordsmith This stuff is rough, tough and dangerous, enjoy.
WHERES MA DOUGH YA MADDY.!!!! (A Job Centre Tale)
WHERES MA GIRO YA FUCKIN MADDY,?
THE WANES ARE STARVIN AM NO A BADDY,
IM STRAIGHT UP YA PEECE A PISH, AM GOONAY END UP CRACKIN YER DISH.....!
SO SEE YER BOSS AND SORT IT OOT !
WIT THE FUK UR YEES AWE ABOOT,, ?
AM NO JOKIN AVE NO BEEN SMOKIN,,!
ITS FUR THE WANES NOO USE YER BRAINS AND PUT IT OAN THE COONTER PRONTO........
Now listen here Mr err,, smith or jones its not our fault yer skin and bones,, ?
We only pay for those thats able,,
who put their credentials oan the table,,
No need for violence or threats of damage, im sure if patient we can sort some cabbage,, but sir remember we arent charity,,
Im afraid we need to have some clarity, so if youl sit for an hour or so il see my supervisor and ask for dough,,
just sign right here to say your able,, for work if that is your bloody stable,, what have you done to look for work,,
What have you been trying to earn a buck..?
RIGHT THATS IT,,
YOUR FULL OF SHIT HEN,,
YOU KNOW FINE WELL I SIGNED,, WAY THAT PEN,, THAT WAS A WEEK AGO LAST FRIDAY,, !
IVE NO HAD FUCK AWE BUT A BRIDIE,, FAE GREGGS THE BAKERS CHEAP AS CHIPS,, THE WANES HAD AN APPLE WITHOUT THE PIPS,, LOOK STOAP THE SHITE IM FUCKIN DUE IT,,
WHERES THE DOUGH THATS NO COME THROUGH YET,,
IM GETTING ANGRY AND A WEE BIT SICK OF YOU LOT TREATIN ME LIKE A DICK,, !
IVE DONE THE JOAB SEARCH AND SAID AM ABLE,,
ITS YOUR JOAB TOO TO GET ME STABLE,,
FIND ME WURK OR PAY ME OOT,, AM NO A LEECH WHOS TOOK AND TOOK,.....
I promise to do my upmost to sort this oot,,
but please refrain from freekin oot,,
We have security to safely Guard us and remove said persons who try to harm us,,
I will be fair and try my best,,
I believe you arent just another pest,,?
Its probably a mix up with the post, I'l try and find where its bloody loast,,
I'm sure its been sent but il just check,, and see if we can pay an emergency checque,,
Just be more patient and calm it doon,, and dont go screaming the whole place doon,, !
il be right back just sit there tight and hopefully the wanes can eat the night....
AWRITE HEN,, IM CALMING DOON,,
I'M SORRY IF I BLEW UP TOO SOON,,
I'TS JUST THAT HER INDOORS IS CRAZY,,
SHES SCREAMS IM OOT IM FUCKIN LAZY,,,
THATS NO THE CASE IM TRYING HARD, TO PLEASE HER FAT ASS, THE TUB O LARD,, !
SHE DISNAE BUDGET AND WERE SKINT NOO,, BUT IVE BEEN SENT BACK ROON THE BROO,,
SO PLEASE DONT THINK AM ALWAYS LIKE THIS,,
ITS JUST THE MISSUS DISNAE TAKE PISS,,
THE HOOS IS CLATTY AND INFESTED, THE CUPBOARDS BARE I FUCKIN DETEST IT,,
HURRY BACK EH,, AND SAVE MA BACON,, /
COS MER SHITE AM NO FUR TAKIN,,
IL SIT ER,, THERE,, NEXT TAY JUNKIE TAM,, HES IN HERE HIDIN OAN THE LAM,,,!
THE COPPERS WANT TAY LOAK HIM UP,, ,
SO SERVE ME FIRST IF HES OOT A LUCK,
YOU KNOW HES ONLY GONNAY JAG MER MUCK....
Well there sir,,
I'm the advisor,,,,
may i say yer cash should have arrived there,,,?
So are you still at same address or how did we arrive at this awful mess,..?
Well thats in order sir its lost in transit,,,
So I must insist you do re-post it, if it arrives after we pay oot,, another sum of welfare loot,..!!
Is that ok Sir if i go and get it, it'l no be awe yer due but please dont sweat it,,,
It'l be enough to feed the wanes and keep you oot of baw n chains,,
yer missus might no be pure happy,but the wane will huv a nice clean nappy..
I'l be right back and sort yer payment,,its just ma joab no need to comment,...
AWE BLESS YOU HEN AM REALLY SORRY,,
YOUVE TOOK AWAY MOST OF MA WORRY,,
THE WANES WILL EAT AND HAVE CLEAN ARSES AND IL HAVE LESS EARACHE FAE THE LARD ASS...
A CANNY THANK YOU AWE ENOUGH,, COS BEGGING DOON HERE IS PURE ROUGH,,
JUST GEEZA CALL SO A KIN BOLT,,
I NEED TO DO JUST WHAT IM TOLT,,IL GO RIGHT BACK PUT THE MARRIAGE BACK ON THE TRACK,,
A WANT TAY WORK AND PAY MA WAY,,
ITS JUST NAY JOABS OOT THERE THESE DAYS....
Right sir sorted sign right there,,
I hope youve no sat too long in that chair,,, heres a payment of 90 quid,, itl cover til the hungers rid,,
We will send the rest oot wance its clear,that the other giro will appear,
So have a good day and see you soon, dont let welfare get you doon,?
Yer awe entitled if yer tryin,, !
Theres no real point just sat there cryin..
I'm sure a joab soon wull be fur you,,
Then no need to see you do the broo...
RIGHT THANKS A LOT,,
THATS SMASHING GREAT,
I BETTER RUN HOME AND NO BE LATE, THE SHOPS ARE OPEN FUR A WEE BIT,,
IL GRAB THE WANES A NICE WEE TREAT,
THE MISSUS KIN GO AND GET THE GRUB AND PUT A SMILE OAN THAT TORN GUBB,,
ITS MER THAN ANY GUY WID WANT,TAY COME DOON BROO WAY CAP IN HAND,
BUT NEEDS MUST SOMETIMES WHEN YER ABLE,
TO BEG FUR THE FINANCE TAY HELP GET STABLE,,,
ACH, YEEZ DAY A GOOD JOAB REALLY HEN AND I MUST SAY IM SORRY WHEN,,
GUYS LIKE ME JUST LOSE THE PLOT,,
ITS JUST WHEN WE THINK THAT, THAT'S IS WUR LOT..
THERES HOPE YET HEN,,
EH,, DONT YA THINK,?
RIGHT IM OFF BEFORE TAM GETS THE KLINK.....
CHEERS TA HEN.....
The Punter. (just like me)
Every man and their dog suitably attired with the alleged proper garments "The suit, shirt n tie" and furnished with the odd title or letter scramble, before or after name, has given opinion or vote, on the past, present and dubious future of Rangers FC.
Seemingly much more than any other wayward club at any time.?
Some of these Suit components have wallowed against the walls of Chum-ville for longer than we care to remember and other new specialists arrive seemingly In waves, still.
On an almost daily basis to dizzy the layman with heidy tales of salvation or woe.
Sadly though, throughout the Calamity that engulfs and threatens to dis-arm any form of Scotlands favorite sport actually taking place, one vote or opinion Is sadly lacking.
The Punter, that long suffering supplier of volume, fervour, fever, fanaticism and revenue.
The customer, the supplier and transmitter of the visual and Audio magnetism that reaches out and creates Country, European and World spectacle.
The true financial master,
The life blood of the game anywhere,
That most important single entity that constantly drags football up from It's knees each time It crashes against the rocks of Corporation and Commercial Claptrap.
Votes to save, Votes to End,
Votes to pretend that all Is well or will be, made by people that arrived and led the Forgotten and Shelved Punter to this point to begin with..
Is It not about time, that Clarity, Transparancy and Honesty actually meant to Clearly show the Truth.!
No more double speak, no more false promises and secret Deadlines, ?
No more waffle for self preservation of the few that elected the few to control the many.
For real change, why not Invite the long suffering supporter to vote on behalf of all supporters and their clubs, In any game changer.?
Each club panders to their own support, buy tickets, buy strips, hospitality, travel, etc etc..
Boy do they pay.
Let's face It,
If a Company or Business or Club as they all are, can vote to save themselves when they are factually at fault to begin with, then It should not be left solely to those of similar Ilk, to decide what in effect The Punter actually pay's for and Props Up.